Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Don't Act So Surprised

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, what are we going to do with you? You cheater! You liar! How can we ever forgive you? A professional athlete cheating on his spouse is something this country will not stand for! Drug use, rape, domestic abuse and even murder are all acceptable crimes, but adultery! That’s a nish nish, my friend, and now you’re in the sights of the tabloids – not a good place to be. Piss off UsWeekly and piss off the masses, apparently. The coverage of this thing has been extraordinary, you’d think he raped (Kobe), beat (the list is too long), or murdered (OJ, Caruth)…give me a f*cking break. Get off your high horse, America, you’ll forgive and forget in no time.

Are we really so na├»ve in this country to believe our cherished and beloved professional athletes don’t have moments of weakness? So easily we forget Kobe, Ewing, Mutumbo, the Vikings Sex Boat, etc…this sh*t happens! Men are weak! And we’re not talking about moments of weakness a normal man would experience, we’re talking about model-caliber women (in most cases) throwing their hotness in the faces of these guys when they’re vulnerable…drunk… away from home. There’s a name for these people, they’re called Star-F*ckers, and they’re widespread in places like Vegas, LA and New York - they’re pariahs and they’re awful human beings, but they exist. To be clear, I am not attempting to condone Tiger’s behavior by any means, I’m merely saying don’t act so surprised. This.Sh*t.Happens. In celebrity/athlete circles, this happens every day. Tiger is human, he’s a man, and he’s got an ego the size of Doc’s head, do you really expect him to control himself in a situation such as this?

Honestly, I think finding out he didn’t cheat on his wife would be more shocking.  He is, arguably, the most famous athlete in the world, worth millions and is fairly young. The temptation he is put through on a daily basis is more than anyone reading this blog will ever know (especially this blog), and if anything I feel this proves Tiger is human. I wouldn’t worry about it if I was him, a major tourney victory or two and all is forgotten.  He’ll be sexing with Mutumbo in no time.

Bottom line: Don’t act so surprised, America. It’s not the first time one of our golden boys has taken a fall, and it won’t be the last. He’ll get back up, redeem himself, and we’ll love him again – you know we will.

This, on the other hand, I find disturbing. It’s an email allegedly send to Rachel Uchitel from Tiger’s email:

“I had a dream we were married and I was leading the tournament,” he allegedly wrote. “I came home, excited to see you, and there you were in the bedroom getting f - - -ed by Derek and David. Some part of me thinks you would like that. But now I can’t get back to sleep. My body is tired, but mind awake. Need an Ambien.”

What the f*ck is that all about? Dreaming about Derek Jeter is understandable; just ask Sec202, but David Boreanz? Seriously? Angel from the WB? 6ABC’s own Dave Roberts’ son (tell me I’m not the only one who knows that)? I could see dreaming about Dave Roberts, but Bones? And who dreams about being married anyway? If anything, I’m dreaming the exact opposite!  What a weirdo!


1 comment:

  1. It's true- apparently the only thing worse than adultery is dog-fighting.

    Good point about Ewing, etc. Speaking of Ewing, Bill Simmons always brings up this classic quote from the Gold Club trial:

    -According to Ewing, "The girls danced, started fondling me, I got aroused, they performed oral sex. I hung around a little bit and talked to them, then I left."
    (I've said it before, I'll say it again: the NBA ... It's FANNNNNNNN-tastic! I love this game!)-

    It's definitely off-the-charts creepy that Tiger was dreaming about Jeter and the weatherman's son (and Jim Gardner) having sex with his fantasy wife. Jeter and Rollins would've at least been more believable, since they almost consumated their relationship every time they met at second base in the World Series.